Subtle Insinuation

Stupidity

2005-12-11T17:13:00.000-08:00

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Meet me?"

"Sure.

"Ping-pong tables."

"See ya."

And that's how the conversation went. How some people can be so densely childish is way past me, it's too pyschologically deep and too stew-pid for my imagination to mildly graze, let alone grasp. There are so many other things in the world that are so much more exciting, interesting, that matter, that people give a damn about... Things I could choose to sit around and think about, and give writing out my thoughts a go, if I could bring myself to. I wouldn't have offered to meet him if it hadn't been him. Believe me, I was extremely busy at home, sufficiently occupied alternating between staring at my black wall as if it were the most fascinating thing in the universe, trying to psycho myself to open up at least one set of lecture notes to catch up on the 7 weeks of school I've successfully fucked up and reading Trent's livejournal posts from a year ago...
But years of chill-out sessions, shared smokes and stupid jokes that got laughed at despite not even being really funny were too much for me to waste. So I went. For a chill-out session and shared smokes, I provided the cigarettes this time, been doing that a lot lately even though I'm too broke to take the pathetic bus service back home from the interchange... Oh well. I'm fat, so I walk. What the hell, right? I suppose a little exercise does my body good somehow. The pulsating headache and aching heart aside.
Giving someone a piece of my mind felt awesome, stimulating, and I should do it more often instead of being so complying.
And the apology was accepted graciously.

I'm pretty sick of this blog, it was my first experimental one, so I'm going to delete it, delete all my posts, and get another one. Start from scratch.

I love doing that. Deleting all evidence of my no-life-ness and apparent stupidity.

Spaceship

2005-12-08T17:40:00.000-08:00

I'm beat.

Got endless projects piling up.

A lot of gigs and stuff... (I'm not complaining though. LOL. Beat Merchants kicked ass!! And we messed up cuz of the suckfest sound system at the industrial gig. But it was still awesome.)

ICAs that I haven't studied for are going crazy on me... No rest for me in the coming 2-week break. If I don't catch up, I'm pretty much dead. Gonna end up failing everything.

Basically, I'm pretty much dead already.

Cried in the school toilet the other day... Was so sad about this one particular matter, never mind what it is, and everything just piled up. But then I wrote a song. Right there. Haha. So you see, it was very productive crying.

Hung out with Jem at the Esplanade yesterday... We did nothing. And it rocked. In our spaceship where the rest of the world doesn't matter and we can talk about anything. The stress came back immediately once we stood up to leave though.

Bad Monday Greys

2005-12-04T17:35:00.000-08:00

Noooo... This is a nightmare!

The school blocked DeviantArt!!!!!

I am devastated. My DA account is how I spend my breaks in school... It saves me from falling asleep in class... And I rely on using the school computers to update it cuz my computer at home still sucks and my room has no internet connection.

Well. Just another reason to hate the NYP system. More.

My weekend was awesome. Papa went to Port Dickson and I had like, the most radical three days since he got back from Canberra three months ago.

Gig on Friday night at Beat Merchants in Bugis was brilliant, absolutely brilliant. People started moshing like crazy halfway into ABC's first song. And continued throughout the entire set.
I can't wait for our introductory gig on Wednesday. Introducing zee new female dark voxum. Lol... We don't have much time but oh well. We'll manage.
Spent the night at the airport cuz Aini was leaving for Australia Saturday morning. Got home around noon, slept till 6 then went to Fluid for Trent's party.

I got to play door bitch for a while. :)
And there were a lot of hot hot hot people. More hot girls than guys though, I'd have to say.
I SAW SASHA!!!!!!! Best friends in sec one and two, reunited because she is ABC's keyboardist Fez's girlfriend! We both teared a little and screamed like crazy. It's love-love relationship now...

I feel that I'm finally getting to do something I want, something I love, with awesome people who I have incredible chemistry with and am starting to get really close to... And everything is going so well.

I only hope Papa will go to Egypt soon, so that I can jam till late and do gigs in peace, without having to lie all the time and worry about getting home quick.

Sigh...

ABC ... Destined Day

2005-12-01T18:53:00.000-08:00

Went jamming with A Butterfly Caught for the first time yesterday.

Al walked out halfway, he got pissed at Pat because... Well, I don't know why. Al seems pretty much pissed off at everything and everyone. Most probably it's because of me though. He's apparently afraid a female vocalist will steal his light.

Whatever. I really clicked with the rest of them, I honestly didn't expect the results we got yesterday. Used my words from "All That Binds Me" to this music they wrote some time ago, "They Dance On Withered Grass". Did a slow version... It actually turned out very well. I was surprised. Very pleasantly.

Guess I've found my first band, and they're awesome. Well, most of them, for now, anyway. I hope Al comes around. If he doesn't, fuck that.

Does this mean the end of solo performances for me? I don't know... Let's just wait and see.

In the meantime, I have to think of an excuse to tell my parents so I can sing with them for this club opening on the 20th. I'm open to suggestions people...

Sick Of The Skin

2005-11-28T10:10:00.000-08:00

Just browsed through some of my friends’ blogs... And I realized... That I need a new blogskin! Cuz this was my first ever and it is really not enough. I’m getting sick of it. The way I get sick of my room every few months and have to change the furniture arrangement or wall colour. Which is currently black with a maroon T-wall, by the way. Saleem got me camo nets which I’m gonna turn WHITE and slash with a knife, then hang down from my ceiling. So my bed will be enclosed between a black wall and a cobwebby thingamajigadingdong.

I wonder what it is about me that makes it not easy for me to stay in an unchanged territory too long. I do revamp projects to everything with short intervals of rest time. Or lie fallow time. Whatever.

I’m currently listening to this electronic track by A Butterfly Caught that Patrick sent me. Trying to figure out what I can do with it. It is rather exotic and new age-ish... I really like it. So I am gonna try to create some sorta harmonization with words. And see how that goes...

Proud Of You Guys!

2005-11-26T23:04:00.000-08:00

It's finally over...

All my frustration that stemmed from me thinking the SBM Day musical was gonna be a disaster. The hours in the aerobics studion trying to get Ariel and Hamza to sing in tune, trying to get Jun Xiong to sing in pitch, to get Shawn to remember his lines IN ENGLISH... Jin Siong was okay, the guy can naturally sing and act gay. Hahaha... And Zhao was just awesome! He has a really beautiful resonant voice. Can do that italian opera thing very well.

Everyone remembered the acting techniques I tried to teach them, minor details here and there, and they are al actually really talented! I was just so damn proud and happy. When I heard the audience laughing at me and Jin Siong making dumb jokes. When I heard the applause after all of them sang. When the cast was obviously satisfied with their own performances.

And I was relieved too, disappointing Gina Weers would have been a little scary.

I had so little time to change before my grand finale song that I ran out without my shoes and shawl, and my bra lower than it was supposed to be because I just pulled the dress over my head in my haste. But I think I did quite okay... Hahaha... This must have been like my favourite NYp performance so far. Besides graduation. That was excellent too.

Had fun with Shawn and Hamza and Zhao at coffeebean after that... We kept singing I Believe I Can Fly in funny ways and making fun of how Hamza sang. Haha... Saleem came too and they all started talking shit about ghosts and I stupidly got scared.

Also I got to know Sunny and Muqsit a little, they are really nice guys and I was so in awe of them the first time I watched them perform. Now I know they are pretty down to earth... It would be great to sing with them the next time. Muq wants to do My Immortal with me apparently! Haha. The three of us had fun fooling around on stage while the cast was doing their makeup and I think we do have a certain chemistry. Oh well. Lets just wait and see what becomes of that.

I am tired... Spent today mostly at home. Gonna go eat now.

I just realized something. This entry is like one of the very few that is about anything cheerful in my entire blog.

Tired

2005-11-22T22:55:00.000-08:00

Currently listening to - Radzi going on and on about a certain someone on the phone.
Current Mood - Check out the title of this thing.

Tired. I'm just so tired.
Exhausted.
Weary.
Worn out.
What other synonyms are there? I don't really know or care, actually. I'm too far gone for that.

My day has been crazy. I had rehearsals since morning and then I had to go get that accounting show and tell thingie done... When I got home everyone was bugging me as usual, mom especially. Why can't she just give me a teeny weeny little break for once? Are the minor details of my life, such as where the remote control for my room's air-con is, so very VERY crucial?

Sigh... Anyway Saleem wrote a beautiful song... It's so sad though...

The thing is, I really really like sad songs more than any other kind cuz they have so much emotion and meaning in them. Hasn't the world heard enough silly love songs by now?

Gonna audition for a band this coming Monday. They want me to do some stuff I've never tried before but oh well. It wouldn't hurt. Think it's gonna be quite fun, actually... They included two songs by Evanescence in their repertoire so that made me kinda happy.
I'm so tired... My body is completely shagged but my mind has trouble resting.

Now I'm gonna try to sleep again.

Pointless Thoughts

2005-11-15T10:38:00.000-08:00

Currently listening to: You and Me, Lifehouse
Current mood: Queasy, especially at the sight of food.

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently.
I'm going through the motions of living, but I exist for reasons I wish I knew.

I cannot cry, because you know, that's weakness in your eyes.
My heart can't possibly break because it was never even whole to start with.

The cynicism of someone much older and more world-weary affects everything I look at. It's like negativity is my new best friend. And let me tell you, I didn't ask for it. Identity crisis? I don't know. Maybe. It seems so juvenile though.

I think I'd drown in the depth of my own unspilled thoughts, if not for Deirdre and my sketches. They distract me, and steal my pain for a bit...

This is pointless.

Yeah?

2005-11-08T16:44:00.000-08:00

Uh huh... Alllright... Okay... FUCK you!!!

This is what I usually think when I stare and smile back at people who talk more than they should. It more than adequately showcases their ignorance and incompetence. Oh yeah. Forgot to mention - I nod occasionally too.

Coffee Makes Me Woozy

2005-11-08T11:07:00.000-08:00

Currently listening to: Moby Dick (drum solo), Led Zeppelin
Current mood: Just had coffee with Madd aka Slynzki at Mac's... Feel so woozy. Why does coffee have that effect on me?

Madd introduced me to a new song, You, an unreleased track by Amy Lee. It is so. fucking. beautiful. Try as I might though, I can't find the chords or the lyrics online at all!! Just a message to stop distributing it because it was accidentally released online when it wasn't supposed to be. Apparently it's only meant for her and her boyfriend or something. Well I'm not gonna distribute it, I'm just gonna learn to play and sing it. XD

I have a two-page font size 12 essay to write on "Core values of our way of life and the will to prevail that ensures our continued success & well-being." I haven't even started on it yet, and it's due tomorrow morning. I'm so bummed... Sigh...

The PAP government is just too bloody lazy to do anything about our law... Singapore follows the Second Charter of Justice, which Raffles imported directly from England in 1826, and it has hardly changed since, except to become more rigid! No smoking at bus-stops? What the HELL is that? And you know, people do feel like a joint of pot sometimes. The core values of our way of life stemmed from the English. Those snooty people. And we're Asians! Just look at the crowd in the main areas of Singapore! The will to prevail that ensures our continued success and well-being? More like to will not to get "retrenched" when you don't fully support PAP, and the will to kiss ass.

That's what I really want to write. But if I do, I'll be "expelled" in a few days.

Oh well. Majulah Singapura.

MY BESTIES

2005-11-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

Currently listening to: Everlong (Acoustic Versh), Foo Fighters
Current mood: Pretty chill
Currently eating: Nothing, but I just had Fish McDippers while Hasanal had his McChicken meal. He insists that they're not nice... They are too nice!

Spent most of yesterday with my besties, Pinky and Dee. We went to Pradeep's place for Diwali... He lives in a factory! How cool is that? I've never known anyone else who actually lives in a factory, with his entire family.

I was very happy that Dee could make it... And even came over to my place after we left Pradeep's and went shopping at Far East & Wisma (well... THEY went shopping. I just gave comments.). She's rather busy with her own life and hardly has time for us... Things are so different from how they used to be three years ago.

I guess she can't help being "seasonal" - that's our term for her cuz she keeps disappearing for periods of time and then re-appearing again. But whatever the case, she has a special place in our hearts and no other girl will ever be able to take that place. EVER. DEE... LOVE YOU!

And Pinky, to me, is like a huge part of my life. She's the first person I call when I'm in trouble, or when something awesome has happened. Even before my boyfriend! She's just a really reliable friend, and a darling penn. And I want her to know that I would do the same, and more, for her if she were ever in a bad situation... No matter how hard it is for me ( you know, with Hitler and all), I'll go to whatever extents I have to. PINKY... LOVE YOU!!

Gotta go now. Law tutorial with the eccentric-looking guy who looks kinda like Nick Chaudhuri! And they have nearly the same names too! Hahaha...

Luke's New Blog

2005-11-06T01:10:00.000-08:00

I've had a long day.
Decided to do up a blog for my little bro. To, you know, let him have his own webbie and all, where he can show off all his drawings.
I'm a little bit of a perfectionist, so I kinda spent nearly the entire day in front of the computer, on this darn uncomfortable chair.

I'm very proud of it, though.
http://raphaelluke.blogspot.com
He wanted it to be called dinosaur.com but he told me too late. Go check it out...

Rebecca is grounded for failing her math, so naturally she "hung out" with me all day. *Rolls eyes* Little sisters.

My back is positively breaking. And Deirdre is screaming for some attention.
Later.

The Abyss (Helium Balloon)

2005-11-03T01:16:00.000-08:00

I did this today, it's my ode to God. Actually I did the sketch and stuff first, then I realized that it reflected everything in my song, Helium Balloon (the one that Tim came up with the tune & chords for). So I decided to excerpt some lines and put them in it. Here's the full song.

Helium Balloon

You know I need to stay inside

I'm d i f f e r e n t from the others you created

Empty thoughts, their forte sought

Laughter that's shallow and b l i n d

I crave for thoughts out of my line of sight

Spare parts and bits of different worlds

DO YOU EVEN HEAR ME?

Stare back into the eyes of a broken child

I look into the

Living mirror

Pieced together by your infinite grace

You're so far away, r.i.g.h.t h.e.r.e

* And the better part of me wants to run

Fly b a r e f o o t across the moor of deceit

Don't judge me by my poor decsions

I can't comprehend this depth they all DENY

My helium balloon of worthless grief

Open a door so I can l e t g o*

Calling out to me in undertones so vague

I hear it and I push away that

remote possibility

Curious about the horrid air I breathe

Constantly, I cry and gravely underestimate

Unwillingly, despicable sensations permeate.

I H A T E

Wonder what it's like on the other side

But they

r e a l l y don't care

I long for my rose-bed of faith

A little sign to know you're still there

The Boyfriend

2005-11-03T00:08:00.000-08:00

THE BOYFRIEND

Here in my room I'm lost in everything you speak of
All the pretty things that aren't here
It's far too quiet, don't like deafening silence
If this photograph would materialize,

I'd be happier.

How long till you're with me?
You mean I still have to wait?
You mean I still have to put on this stupid charade?
You mean I have to keep smiling like it's all okay?
I never was much of a good counterfeit.
All I want is for you to be near...
I guess I just wish you were here

If only you'd come in and shut the door,
Take me in your arms
I'd forget the French windows,
The paintings on the walls.
Wherever you are, I'll make a sweet place of comfort
A haven for our love, our dreams, and my songs

How much time will have to crawl by?
How many heartbeats is this gonna take?
I can't take much more of this stupid charade.
And if I have to keep pretending that it's all okay
I swear I'll wither, my heart will bleed and break
All I want is for you to be near...
I wish you were here.

The Way Home

2005-11-02T23:51:00.000-08:00

This was taken somewhere in Greece, but I somehow imagine it to be a beautiful road in Spain, leading towards a mountain. Doesn't it look just perfect for a morning walk?

The Way Home (As I Lay Dying)

2005-11-02T22:59:00.000-08:00

As I lay, dying, by the open window, I was haunted by the option of escape
So sickeningly near, yet worlds away
Chained to a dungeon with no shackles and no doors
All my time was spent contemplating my fate

Please leave me be, till I want to find my calling
My portal will open when the desire is so great
That I'll have to leave my darling sick sad little world
And join yours of liberation, frighteningly raw liberation
I observe the possibilities in a uqbiquitous whirl

Till then, please leave me here to wither
I have grown a shell that is so very dear
In my dreams I'm haunted, I see the way
I crave for unbroken light, but just leave me be...
P l e a s e l e t m e s t a y .

Please Shut Up

2005-11-02T10:06:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Helena, My Chemical Romance
Currently Working On: A new poem, or song, let's see how it turns out.
Current Mood: Annoyed (it's school. this place just gets to me.)

When I dragged myself out of bed this morning, I didn't IMAGINE that AFA would turn out to be an e-learn class today. So I came to school for nothing. I've been doing that so much lately... Maybe I need to be a little friendlier to my classmates or something, that way at least I'd get informed of this stuff in advance. Hahaha... NOT!

He didn't call yesterday. I wish I could hear his voice whenever I want. I wish that things would just be a little easier on the both of us, the way normal people have it. I know they say life is unfair, and all is fair in love and war, but who are "THEY" anyway? And who gave "THEM" authority to say anything? Sometimes I feel like whacking "THEM" in the head with a rotten fucking fish.

I'm feeling angsty. This is a very adolescent emotion, and I don't like it, but it seems to plague me all the time.

The silent tear
Of a slain angel
Glides like an autumn leaf
Now crushed under the hoof
Of a raging infant
Too unschooled in true suffering

No, I didn't right that, a friend wrote it for me, and it's beautiful.

There are two girls sitting behind me in this lab. They're playing Counterstrike, I think, and one of them has been intentionally releasing strings of expletives for the past hour. Without stopping. I don't think I've heard her say much more than CI BAI, FUCK THAT BASTARD! HE'S IN MY WAY! WAH LAU EH. CI BAI! FUCK MAN! OY I JUST NEARLY KENNA SHOT! FUCK YOU LAH! the entire time I've been sitting here. I'm not sure what her motives are for giving everyone such an unwanted radio broadcasting of her extremely limited vocabulary, but I think she should get a grip on herself. The two guys sitting a few rows in front probably noticed her about thirty seconds after they came in, she's so loud, but I don't think that's enough for her. She wants them to ask for her phone number or something.

What happened to good ol' pick up lines? Women today are really weird.

I think I'll turn around and tell her to shut the hell up. I'm trying to listen to my music. But then again... Nah. I'm leaving anyway.

I have a class in four minutes. Damn

One Big Fucking Show

2005-11-01T17:45:00.000-08:00

It's a public holiday in Singapore today. Deepavali / Diwali. Basically no school and no work for everyone. So that means I get to sleep in till whenever, right? WRONG.

Papa decided to wake us up in his usual manner, which is the opposite of what a nice, gentle dad would do, he barged into the room noisily and yelled and d e m a n d e d that we get up RIGHT NOW. And have five-minute showers and get ready for CHURCH. You know, I seriously think a weak-hearted or fragile child could get a heart attack or go into shock from his rough way of treating everyone.

So that was how my day began, but here's what I really wanna write about:

It's All Saints' Day. We had to go for mass as an obligation, to honour the saints or something like that. I don't know, because I wasn't paying attention. Know why? Because instead of singing along to all the hymns that the terrible choir led, or bowing my head in reverence, I was staring at the people around me. And the entire time I was wondering, w h y are they here? What is it that draws these people back, Sunday after Sunday, obligation mass after obligation mass (All Saints, All Souls, Feast Days, Christmas, New Year, CHINESE NEW YEAR (???) , Lent, and I don't want to even think of the rest) ? For one thing, they all looked bored as hell. They were singing half-heartedly, some whispering to each other, some nodding off. I would bet my last fucking dollar that none of them actually knew or really cared what the mass was about, or the message that the sermon was supposed to carry or any of that. So could it be that all these people are just trying to reserve themselves places in heaven by making it a point to dress and show up every Sunday morning? That isn't gonna happen when you're not truly repentent or pure of heart or all that constitutes the requirement. I don't believe that just being Catholic or being initiated into Christianity GUARANTEES anything. That's just plain dumb. And then there were some people who were going all crazy, acting so into the whole praise and worship thing. Well hello? These very people who praise God in tongues in church go home and throw their tempers at family, and lie, and procrastinate, and make derogatory comments about people. Their true natures are mostly nothing like what they portray themselves to be. It's all just one big fucking SHOW.

And oh yeah, after the mass, everyone mingles about and gives each other hugs. For what? To build community spirit? Would you help that person you're hugging and making polite conversation with if he or she needed $5000 for some desperate reason? Would you step into a fight to save their ass? Would you seriously even care if they got ditched? Had no place to spend the night?

Like I said. It's all one big fucking show. I belive in God, and I'm proud that I was brought up in strict Catholicism. So I do have a certain depth of understanding when it comes to religious teachings. I've also definitely had my fair share of experiences with God. But I am at a point where I don't like religion, because it seems to me more and more that it only encourages hypocrisy in people.

There are so many pathways to enlightenment. But the main point of it all, I believe, is to identify with your true self, and your true calling -- To find the part of yourself you hate the most (that most people don't even know) and turn it into something beautiful, and use it for the good of others. Self-sacrifice. But who does that?

I haven't even begun, and I don't know if I'm ever going to, for fear I get lost in the confusion of it all. For fear I become a hypocrite too.

Just Some Dumb Whining.

2005-10-31T12:32:00.000-08:00

These are just some random pictures I took against my black wall. I know I look like I'm in a daze but hey, I'm supposed to be the undead right? I should've put like lots of white powder on my face or something. Didn't wanna terrorize the neighbours. :-)

Okay. So I came to school today for, like, absolutely nothing. Found out that every single lesson today is supposed to be done online. How STUPID is that? And you know what's even STUPIDER? I'm still sitting here. In school. Voluntarily.

Michelle just got back from Taiwan, she was on vacation there with her boyfriend for three weeks! Some chicks are just really lucky. I wonder how it'd be if I could go to Germany with Oli for three weeks. I think he'd be overjoyed, but somehow I also think that I'd get bored after two weeks of stringing together pathetically broken half-German-half-English-cum-a-little-sign-language sentences. And who can stay in cold weather that long, anyway? I'm totally a summer person. I'd die.

You see, what I'm doing right now is simple. I'm trying to make myself feel better by doing the opposite of what I really want to do, which is whine ceaselessly that I miss him terribly and whine more about how I'm so broke and couldn't afford half a ticket there.

Life in Singapore isn't so bad though. It's so cute --- So organized and predictable, and everything is somehow parallel. There's so much nightlife and it's pretty much safe to step out of your house any time of day. Not to mention knowing all the right people and places to go. It's really cool if you think about it.

We had a Halloween party at Godma's house the other night. I was a vampire. Long flowy black dress, elaborate choker, straight hair and all that. Oh, and the smoky eyes. Who can forget the smoky eyes? :-) And the nose ring. Hmm... Enough about some dumb costume. There was no dancing or anything (THAT was supposed to be TONIGHT at Indochine or MU. Unfortunately, Hitler decided to impose his authority most unfairly.). I ended up watching Godpa do his awesome card tricks -- I swear they're really good. Like David Blaine. If Godpa looked anything like him he'd probably make tons of money. But he doesn't. So. Yeah. Anyway, I ended up playing less than one complete round of Balderdash and questioning Jeremiah on why he doesn't have a girlfriend till now. His reasons are pretty funny, but I won't elaborate on that.

And that was my boring weekend. Sure, there was more stuff that happened, but I don't think any of it is worth mentioning at all.

Sketched. Framed. Flashed.

2005-10-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

This is a rough sketch I did of Oliver. I'll probably never show it to him cuz he'd laugh.

My Not-So-Little Black Book

2005-10-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

I'm at Pinky's place right now and she's snoring away on her bed. I've been sneezing like there's a bowl of pepper in front of me a and a crazy wind blowing for the past few hours and let me tell you, there's nothing more annoying. Except a sore throat and, perhaps, a broken toe.

Anyway.
The most stupid thing happened today.
I went to school to attend this class that I've never gone for before. None of my friends know what that module is, and I definitely don't know a single person who takes it. I was a few minutes late so naturally, I rushed in, introduced myself to the teacher, who asked no questions, and sat down.

It was so weird! I did all the work and everything - Computer stuff. And when the class ended I realised that I'd been in room 6 when I should have been in room 5 the entire time! I had the most incredulous expression on my face, I bet. I couldn't fucking believe it. I mean. How much more dense could I get, seriously?

Maybe by getting myself drunk before ten on a school night (and throwing up all over myself in a cab) and ending up at Pinky's place, begging her to rescue me from a drunken masquerade into my house.

But that's the furthest I could go with being dumb, seriously. Or maybe not exactly being dumb. Just doing stupid things.

I bought a not-so-little black book today. I'm going to paste a lot of my sketches in it. Why do I still get so excited over such things? I don't know.

Deviance!

2005-10-24T13:53:00.000-07:00

The one above is my favourite. It kinda looks like a mix of Alessandro Botticelli and Leonardo da Vinci. It conveys emotion so sharp that it seems to slice. It also reminds me of a sketch I did about two years back.

I found these beautiful art pieces on Deviant Art. Something happened to my old account and so I just started a new one, thank goodness I still have all my poetry.

I guess you can tell I don't smile much.

2005-10-24T13:30:00.000-07:00

Coveted Lifestyle

2005-10-20T20:09:00.000-07:00

Went shopping and to TCC for coffee with my anni, Jenniffer, in town today. Yeah, I wore the painful pretty shoes. Basically I watched in awe as my cousin's beautiful wife bought almost anything and everything that tickled her fancy, and swore to myself that one day, I'm gonna be making enough money to outdo her, or at least marry a man who can support a lavish lifestyle. Why are women so vain? Anyway, I think it's just a momentary longing; I end up in jeans most of the time and it doesn't bother me.

She gave me a Salvatore Ferragamo wallet that she bought some time ago and that was just "sitting around at home". She has no use for it as she's using her LV. Can you believe she was actually worried I wouldn't like it? I mean, who was she kidding???

Food for thought. WHAT is it about women that make them admire, envy and desire to outdo other women? I don't think I'm that kinda person, but sometimes, my own thoughts and tendencies... They scare me.

Black Beads

2005-10-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton and AFA rolls eyes

2005-10-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when anyone walks into the free access lab at level one, EVERY person in there has to turn around and stare as if it might be Paris Hilton flaunting her perfect legs?

I use this place practically every day that I'm in school, because the computer at home still annoys me. I wish I were Paris Hilton. That way I could get a new computer as a punishment for making a sex video or something.

My favourite seat is right at the back, left corner, next to the window. There may be minimal privacy in here, but hey, it's free, and the computers are pretty good, and aside from turning around to assess your hair and makeup and outfit (the girls) or your hot level (the little boys) and to see whether you're anyone important so they can hide the food and x-off the cybertai page they're on, people here pretty much mind their own business.

I like people who mind their own business and don't ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with their lives or are just plain inconsequential. They have more important things on hand than engaging in useless conversation. They have a LIFE.

I just attended my first AFA tutorial, in which Jowena Neo made it pretty clear that she can't exactly stand my guts. She's basically appalled at the lack of discipline that Fiona and I displayed last semester when we were either constantly late for class, absent, or inattentive(is that in or un-attentive? I have to find out), AND when we kept postponing our show-and-tell presentation and consecutively didn't show up, and never did it in the end. Did I mention that I also decided to fail my AFA paper and deliberately didn't take the supp because I couldn't care less?

I got nothing less than a C for every single other module. Which, to me, is pretty cool, considering the fact that I studied for less than a week altogether and burned the midnight oil the day before every single paper.

I know that I have the capacity to pass this shit. I just wish I could feel more urgency.

Gotta run now cuz Pinky just called, and my filet-o-fish is waiting.

The Bane Of The Female Species

2005-10-19T10:35:00.000-07:00

I'm wearing my new pretty black-and-gold sequined shoes, and my feet hurt like a bitch. I nearly wish I never bought these. Haha... NOT. The thing about women of today is that they are willing to go to large extents to feel better about themselves and somehow indirectly boost their own self-esteems.

I wouldn't pay $3000 a month to some derm unless my income reaches $300 000 a month, like Lionel Ritchie's ex wife. But I guess I do have some of that whole pay-a-price-for-this-and-that thing going on, seeing that I'm willingly wearing my new shoes for the second time this week, walking around school (even taking the stairs to the fifth level because the ONE elevator the business school has is temporarily dead) like I don't have a care in the world.

My best friend Pinky. She's the culprit.
Humans always find a way to blame someone else for their shortcomings.
Anyway, she said that the thing with pretty sequined shoes is that you have to wear them for days and days and before you know it, they'll be as comfortable as flip-flops. She proudly showed me HER blister scars from months ago when she got her pair and declared that now, they fit like a dream. Kudos to her endurance threshold. I have half a mind to chuck these damn things already.

But they're so pretty...

Being a girl can be rather annoying at times like these.

Subtle Insinuation

2005-10-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

Oooh wee, my very first post.

Naturally, it has to be about my opinion on blogging, so I can compare what I feel now to what I feel in, I don't know, 6 months or so.

Silly people. There's so much more to life. I mean, if you have an opinion, why be afraid to share it, and use an outlet where you can remain anonymous to express it instead? Because your opinion is different from what subtle propaganda has made the majority of the the world believe is normal and okay?

Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and freedom of fucking speech. That's the problem with Singaporeans. Too damn naive and afraid.
I'm one too though. I'm proud, even excessively defensive (when the topic comes up with some of my non-Singaporean friends), of this rigid little city sometimes. Always bustling with activity, so safe, so rich and cosmopolitan and everyone runs like little clockwork machines. The government has got us under their pretty thumbs. How adorable!

Now I'm gonna leave this place (I'm in the free access lab at school. A LOT of things are wrong with my computer at home and I get pissed off trying to use it. Dad won't get a new one or pay for repairs and I sure as hell can't afford it.) and go for my accounting lecture. It's going to be fascinating, I can already feel the anticipation bubbling up in me.

I HATE ACCOUNTS. This makes me sound immature but I don't give a damn. I HATE ACCOUNTS! I would rather eat liver than do one single balance sheet or whatever. Okay, maybe not liver, but something almost as disgusting.

That's the end of my first posting. Or rather, my first online ranting. Whatever, really. There's nothing so riveting about it but it does feel kinda good. At least this way, I won't have to keep buying new diaries without finishing the old ones first, and tell myself to write consistenly. I'm a person with rather erratical behaviourial patterns sometimes you see, so it's kinda hard to be consistent. I think I'm starting to understand the geek world. Yay me.

Subtle Insinuation

Stupidity

Spaceship

Bad Monday Greys

ABC ... Destined Day

Sick Of The Skin

Proud Of You Guys!

Tired

Pointless Thoughts

Yeah?

Coffee Makes Me Woozy

MY BESTIES

Luke's New Blog

The Abyss (Helium Balloon)

The Boyfriend

The Way Home

The Way Home (As I Lay Dying)

Please Shut Up

One Big Fucking Show

Just Some Dumb Whining.

Sketched. Framed. Flashed.

My Not-So-Little Black Book

Deviance!

I guess you can tell I don't smile much.

Coveted Lifestyle

Black Beads

Paris Hilton and AFA *rolls eyes*

The Bane Of The Female Species

Subtle Insinuation

Paris Hilton and AFA rolls eyes